This Blog Cancelled

       This blog is no longer in operation. God has shown me that to create a fictional work when I am going through these things in reality is to bring a mixture of truth and error which is impure and misleading. His truth is pure and mixing it with fiction (un-truth) muddies the water, so to speak. He has convicted me of continuing it. If I have led any of you astray in creating this story, please forgive me. The truth is that I relayed in a fictional setting those things which I was really experiencing with God through Jesus Christ, which is a most serious and sober thing, not one to be treated lightly or put into a false realm. I praise Him for His revealing and exposing Spirit that leads us down the paths of righteousness for His Name's sake, and who welcomes us into His heart again and again, as we turn unto Him in sincere repentance. If you would like to visit my other blog, the address is http://thissamejesus.blogspot.com. This blog is also changing along with the changes He's brought in me upon surrendering to Him.   

Joy and Peace Appear

     "Joy, Joy, You give me Joy, Joy, Joy. Peace, Peace, You give me Peace, Peace, Peace," I sang loudly as I got dressed in my cabin.
     "What's that I hear?" Captain said when He heard me.
     "Oh, my heart is so full today, Captain, with your joy and peace, that I just had to sing about it," I said in response.
     "Well, that brings me great happiness," He replied, as He came into my presence.
     "For so long, I've felt confusion and have struggled, that feeling joy and peace took me by surprise," I confessed.
     "It's a good surprise, though, right?" He questioned.
     "Oh yes it's good, but somewhat foreign to me nonetheless," I added. "How long will this last?"
     "The more you trust in Me, the longer it will stay," He said.
     "So, it's cumulative?" I asked.
     He laughed in delight with my description, and said, "You could say that."
     "I think I could get used to a progressive amount of Your joy and peace," I stated.
     "Do you remember praying for this?" He asked.
     "Oh, yes, I remember. I was wondering if You did, since it took so long to feel even a semblance of it," I said hesitantly. "Why couldn't You just zap me?" I wondered. "I mean you do stuff like that, don't You?"
     "I can, but choose not to most of the time. It is something that springs forth whenever a person's flesh is put to death when they decide to lay it down. It's also produced in other ways, too; not the same for everyone. But I can tell you this much-pain is involved if someone resists me in the work I want to do on the inside of them," He declared.
     "What if they yield easily to Your sculpting?" I said, referring to the reality that He is the Potter and we (his children) are the clay.
     "It's a much faster and easier method, and is the one I prefer, but most do not let go so easily because the very nature of the flesh, or sin nature, is to hold on to everything it's worth," He explained.
     "It's really not worth much, is it Captain? You told us that in our flesh is NO GOOD THING," I said, repeating His words. "Why don't we believe You?"
     "Because the substance of the sin nature is to doubt and be suspicious and not to trust," He said.
     "It seems like the deck is stacked against us from the get-go," I said sheepishly.
     "I was aware of that and is one reason I knew I would have to rescue you from yourself when I sent My Son to save mankind," He wisely proclaimed.
     "Wow, You thought of everything, didn't You?" I said amazed and grateful.
     "Every little area was covered," He said in love.
     "I need to be by myself again, Captain. All that you tell me is too wonderful for me to digest all at once, and so I get alone to let all this goodness  be fed into the spirit You've made new in me. So, Captain, I will see you later. I love you," I said in earnest, walking away and continuing my song.

    

There is Life in the Blood

     Waking up this morning, I ran to Captain at the helm, because I had a nightmare last night. Fear was wanting to enter because of it. It seemed so real!
     When I met Him up there, I cast my cares on Him and said, "Captain, help me."
     "What is it you need, my daughter?" He asked empathetically.
     "I had a nightmare, and I am being tempted to be afraid, and I don't want to be. I want to trust in you," I exclaimed nervously.
     He looked at me sweetly, hoping that I would remember and know that He cares deeply for me, and that He is my strength and my shield against any harm or danger. He remained silent.
     "What does it all mean, Captain?" I asked urgently.
     "It means the enemy came and tried to sow some seeds in your mind during the night," He revealed.
     "You said 'tried' to sow seeds. You mean it didn't take?" I asked.
     "No," He said. 
     "Why not?" I inquired. 
     "Because when the fear woke you up, you called out to Me," He said.  "It was then that I took my blood and covered you with it, and it protected you. The seeds he was trying to sow, died and did not germinate."
     "Well, my concerns involving what the nightmare was about are still there," I said.
     "I am aware of that," He said, "and I'm holding that person in my Hands of love and grace. When you first had those concerns, I told you that everything that was going on was part of the process I was working in them, to 'restore the years the locusts have eaten' in their life. That is a promise I had made to you many years ago-remember?" He explained.
     "Yes, I will never forget it, Captain. I have depended on that for my whole family," I said.
     "Well, why are you doubting now?" He asked.
     "I guess because the physical evidence was beginning to be stacked, and I let it have an effect on my faith," I said sadly, but truthfully.
     "Yes, the enemy will try and 'prove' that I am not true to my Word in many ways so you stop trusting in Me," He stated.
     "I hate him," I said firmly.
      He let that one drop, and then said, "Do you remember what I told you faith meant?"
      "The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen," I said.
     "Which evidence will you believe? The evidence seen or the evidence unseen?" He asked.
     "I see what you mean, Captain. Believing in You and Your promises involves believing in what is not yet seen, but is true nonetheless," I said with renewed vigor.
     "And in My time, faith will become 'sight,'" He said, giving me hope.
      "Oh, Captain, help me not look at the things that seem to be, but are not, looking only at You and what You have promised," I said petitioning Him.
     "You've got it," He stated succinctly.
     "Just like that?" I asked.
     "Ask and it will be given to you," He reminded me of another promise of His to His children.
     "It always works out when I bring things to You," I said in confidence.
     "And I always want you to bring everything to Me," He said. "I want you to trust that I love you and will do the best for you in each situation when you do."
     "How long before I learn that one, Captain?" I asked.
     "As long as it takes. Remember I will finish what I started in you," He promised.
     "You are full of good promises, aren't You, Captain?" I said happily.
     "I am the Promise," He said.
     With that, I dreamily went back down to the deck and looked out at sea, wondering if my love was being lavished with these great truths from Captain, as I was. Knowing that he was, I smiled and looked with hope to the time we'd be back together, after the Captain had determined that we both were ready.
    



Dying, Yet Living!

     Captain had asked me if I was willing to die to live, and the particular thing He was asking me to let go of was the way I had operated my entire life and that was to observe what was going on around me, and then draw conclusions. In this  way, I have been so aware. Captain had called it "self-consciousness," and He was asking me to let it go-to die to this way I had always done things; the way I had always seen things.
     Then He had mentioned that when I focused on others needs, His Life would flow out of me, and in the process this "thing" in me would die.
    The question remained of if I would be willing to let this go or not. If I did, who would I be, as my very identity had been to seen keenly and to be so conscious of things around me. I needed to ask Captain one more thing before I answered. I quickly ran up to the helm where I found Him faithfully steering the ship with a look of strong confidence on his face.
     "Captain, it's important. I need to ask you one more thing before I answer your question," I said, short of breathe.
     "Go on," He said.
     "Didn't you make me that way? I have always thought that you made me a deep and analytical thinker, and that you could use those things in me for Your purposes. I know I am different than a lot of people, but I thought it was because you make some of us to dig deep, like you had me. I am troubled because I think that is what you are asking me to let go of, or to let die, as you said. I fear that I am misunderstanding you, and that You aren't saying that at all, but I am just interpreting what You have said wrongly," I said in my soliloquy.
     "Whoa, my child. Be at rest. First of all, I did make you to think deeply. What I am asking you to let go of and give to Me, are those thoughts that are not of Me; those thoughts that cause you to look at yourself in such a way that paralyzes you from giving to others," He explained.
     "Yes, I don't like those thoughts and I don't like that I have them, and I don't like how they make me feel," I said, "but I'm not really sure how to do that; how to divide that self-focused thinking from the other thinking I do," I said with a sigh.
     "My how-to girl, you are," He said with delight.
     "Yes, Captain. I would like a manual for everything, and then I would be happy," I said knowing He knew and I did too, that wasn't really true.
     "Just tell me you will give those thoughts up, and I will divide them out of you and leave the rest," He explained.
     "Wow, that is so neat how You do things on the inside of us," I exclaimed. "It's a real miracle."
     "After that You will begin noticing that you don't notice yourself much anymore, and that your thoughts are being used in a good way for My purposes. They will be centered on Me, and on those around you, as I direct you to reach out to them," He explained further.
     "Well, that doesn't sound threatening at all. I can keep my good thoughts, or those that line up with You and your will, and You will destroy the self-destructive ones, and the outcome will be righteous and good," I said.  I proclaimed these inner thoughts so that I could see them myself,  and for Captain to check  them and see if I understood correctly now.
     "Yes,  you have said it correctly," He confirmed.
      "O.K., Captain. I'm ready to give those thoughts up to You," I said.
     He smiled, knowing I would experience more of His freedom as a result.
     "Go in peace, my child," He said.
     "Thank you, Captain, for showing me what was obstructing me and for helping me see the destruction it was causing. Only You could have done this," I said.
     "It is my good pleasure," He said.
     "I feel like an 'amen' is in order here," I said playfully.
     "Well, amen then, my sister," He said, playing along while giving me a high-five.
     I smacked His hand, laughing, because of  the fun I was having with Him, and because of the lightness which I was now feeling in my heart. Indeed, He makes all things new, I thought gratefully.

 

 



    
    
 

Giving Myself Up

     I felt so safe with Captain. Now that I knew I could say anything to Him and He didn't treat me differently, conversation between us flowed freely.
     "So, basically, I'm called to conform to Your image; is that right?" I asked.
     "You are called to let me conform you to My image," He said gently.
     "When you split hairs like that, can you explain to me the difference, Captain? I mean sometimes I don't know where I end and you begin. It's really hard to know how to "let" you do it," I said confused.
     "Sure. That's easy. If you are trying to conform to My image, you are thinking, 'I need to act like Jesus' or 'Jesus doesn't act like that, I need to stop' or something like that. When you are letting me conform you to my image, you submit yourself to my working, and trust that I am doing it." He stated clearly.
     "Is that it?" I asked.
     "That's it," He said.
     "I know, but it's me you are working through, and don't I have more responsibility than that? I asked, questioning Him further. "If that's the case, I would just feel like a puppet on a string," I shared.



     "I see," He said.
      I didn't like when He said, 'I see,' and nothing else, I thought. It made me rethink what I had said, and I knew that was His intention. Well, I do feel like a puppet on a string, I thought, validating my own feelings privately to myself.
     Then He said, "And how does 'a puppet on a string' feel?"
     "Helpless," I succinctly replied with sadness.
     "Instead of labeling the feeling 'helpless' why not think of it as 'dependent and protected,' " He advised.
     "That is a new perspective,"I said without much thought. You mean when you are over me, and I have let you be, than I am dependent on You, and are then protected?" I restated to try and understand.
     "Exactly. When you let me be totally responsible for the work in you, then you are free to let My Life flow through you to others," He explained.
     "Can I ask you something?" I knew His answer, so I went on. "How do I let Your life flow through me?" I asked. "I never got that one." I stated.
     "Most of that happens when you are not even aware of what you are doing. When self-consciousness leaves, my Life flows," He said, laying things out for me.
     "Oh, my Lord and Captain. I have been so aware all of my life. I have been in the observation tower looking at what other people do, how they act, and myself also. How in the world will You get that out of me?" I asked desperately. "It's as if that is my mode of operation; my very DNA; the very fiber of my being!" I reiterated. "If I don't observe and analyze what is going on around me, including within myself, I will die for sure; I'll cease to be me; I won't recognize myself," I added.
     "Are you willing to die to live?" He asked, and told me not to answer then, but to think about it, and answer Him tomorrow.

Passing the Test of the Call

         Our conversation had ended strangely and left me wondering if I had come to the right conclusion or not.We had discussed me mopping floors of all things, and I had told Him that even if He tells me that is what He wants me to do for the rest of my life, then I would do it. But, there was a problem. I had surrendered to this "humble" task, but it really didn't reflect my feelings or beliefs at all. Could I have been trying to just appear "humble" in this self-professed allegiance to Him? (Kind of reminded me of Peter.) 
     Even though I might not have interpreted things rightly, though, it all ended with a wonderful time of dancing round and round together, laughing and looking into each other's eyes. I thought, "He sure is patient with my searching."
     After we whirled and twirled, I collapsed in His arms with a new sense of freedom in my heart and the loving acceptance of Captain enveloping me. Just then, something occurred to me, and I told Captain boldly, "I'm not made to mop floors."
     "No?" He said quizzically.
     "No, I'm not," I stated confidently.
     "Why do you say that?" He asked.
     "You put things in me-gifts, talents, abilities, passions and desires that surpass mopping! I said. Not to say that anything is wrong with mopping."
     "What about what you said, that mopping isn't glamorous and that was the reason why you didn't want to do it and that you would do whatever I asked, even if it was mopping? You also said that you would consider your husband in all of this. What do you say about that now?" He declared, holding me accountable to my words earlier.
     "I misjudged myself," I said.
     "Well, you do tend to do that," He stated.
     "You know me, Captain. I want You to give me the right answer," I said nervously.
     "You have been struggling with this way too long. You must lay it to rest," He quipped.
     "I want You to tell me," I said seriously.
     "Nope. You must cross this bridge and be confident in it yourself," He stated.
     "I keep telling you I'm a married woman, and it seems like the only call of woman who are married is to her husband," I said, waiting for His response.
     "Do you believe that?" He asked.
     Wanting to give the right answer, I hesitated. If it wasn't Captain, I would have thought it was a trick question. Oh, if only He would tell me, I thought. But I waited, and He just looked at me, waiting for me to speak.
     Finally, I said, "No, I don't believe that. I believe You can call a woman who is married in a different way than you call her husband."
     "Is that your final word?" He asked.
     "Yes, it is," I stated emphatically without guilt, knowing I would never revisit this again in my life.  
     " Well, go and do likewise," He said.
     "Are you talking in King James?" I said chuckling.
     "Thou sayest," He said rather royally.
     "Well, then I goest to fulfill Thou blessed call on my life, and right quickly," I retorted. With that statement He laughed more from the relief He knew I now felt, than from how I had said it.
    
   
    

The Bad and the Ugly

     "It's so much easier to want to help the ones who seem put together and helping themselves," I commented freely.
     "I understand, but my thoughts are not your thoughts," Captain stated.
     "But I want them to be. I want to see as You see," I shared.
     "Then you will see beauty for ashes and what someone can be in Me, and not what they currently are," He revealed.
    "So, it's kind of like not seeing what is there, but seeing what is not there?" I asked.
   "Or like seeing what is not there as being truth, which is different," He restated.
     "Hmmm....I'll have to chew on that one," I stated.
     " Well don't chew with your mind. If you do, you'll never be able to get it. Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit," He said. "Were you thinking about the young man on the island?" He asked.
     "Yes, I was, Captain. I was thinking that I didn't know whether I have what it takes to reach out to someone who is so sad and angry. I don't know what hurts he's had to make him that way, and I don't know what's going on in his head; what he's thinking and that scares me."
     "It is true you do not have what it takes, within yourself, but it boils down to whether you trust Me to empower you or not, not with your power or strength, but with mine. If you can't trust that, it's better that you don't reach out to him. Also, if you are fearful of what is going on in his head, you will never be able to love him freely. There will always be that hesitation to hold back. Again, you must trust Me with all the unknowns as you minister in My Name. Look at it like this: I want to love him and help him and heal him. Will you let me do it through you? That is the question. I know that to answer "yes" you will have to trust Me with Yourself. That is really the bottom line," He stated clearly.
     "Captain, you make it so plain and I thank you for that," I said.
     Captain smiled, knowing I was coming along nicely according to His plan, and it brought Him great joy.

Remembering his Sadness

     As I sat in a dream-like state up on the deck thinking about how much Captain loves and cares for me, my mind went immediately to one young man who I saw recently on the island. I saw his angry and unhappy face. The others seemed happy and carefree, while this one was not, and so he stood out. Suddenly, I felt compassion towards him, and his sadness was making me sad.
     Captain quietly approached me, as I sat, and He sat down next to me. Sensing His presence, I looked to my right, so I could see His face. It, too, seemed sad and forlorn, so I was wondering what He was thinking.
     "What's wrong?" I asked him point-blank.
     "I am feeling for that young man we saw on the island. I love him so," He said, "but he is afraid to trust me."
     "I was feeling those same things, Captain. How can that be?" I asked ignorantly.
     "We are becoming one. When you receive my love, then you desire for others to receive that same love, and want to give it out. Our eyes begin to see the same things in others, and our hearts want to pour it out to them; especially to the ones who need it the most, like this young man," He explained.
     "So, what do I do, Captain?" I said. "We left the island, and I'm here now."
     "But my Spirit is everywhere," He said giving me a hint.
     "Well, then, could You go to him and minister Your grace and love by opening his heart?" I asked.
     "I was waiting for you to ask," He stated happily.
      "Just like that?" I asked sincerely.
      "The beginning of others receiving me, is for someone who knows Me, to ask Me to move on the inside of them, so their hearts can be made ready to receive Me," He said. "I begin to plow their hard hearts."
     "What next?" I asked.
     " I will direct you, as you stay open to Me," He said.
     "Captain, you have the words of eternal Life. To who else would I go?" I said with resolve and trust, waiting in anticipation for how He would direct me next.  

Sail on, Captain!!

     Feeling alive today, and desiring to be used; to have a purpose and meaning!!! I'll go ask Captain what He would like me to do.
     I found Him sailing dutifully and confidently at the helm, as I sought Him. Smiling as He saw me coming, I approached Him with boldness, knowing of His great love.
     "What would you have me do?" I asked Him.
     "Put your hand on Mine, and steer with me," He said.
     I thought this an unusual request, but did it anyway, and when I did, something happened inside of me. I felt strong as we  forged ahead by His power. A focused sense of direction pulsed through my being.
     "Captain, I don't want to take control again," I stated.
     "Oh, you aren't. I am steering, and you are aligning yourself with that, as you put your hand on mine. There is a difference between you steering and you wanting me to back you up, and this," He explained.
     "That is good, as I am afraid of my own control," I said.
     "As you should be. It has taken you down paths of confusion and fear," He stated all-knowingly.
     "Yes, I know. Until I came on this journey with You only , I tried to listen to You, my love, and myself and satisfy all 3 of us at the same time, but it didn't work," I said sadly at how futile that now sounded.
     "And now?" He asked.
     "Now, I want only You to steer, and me to follow that leading," I answered with confidence.
     "And what about your love?" He asked further.
     "You first-period. And out of that, I can follow him," I now stated with understanding and sureness.
     "You have learned a great deal, my daughter," He said with joy in His heart, as He knew that if I would keep this order in my life, true peace would be mine.

The Meaning of My Pain

     Something has attacked my body, and healing has seemed to flee. If love heals, then what does all this mean? That Captain does not love me anymore?
     I ran up to see that He was still there steering the ship, and didn't find him. Panicked I started to cry. Then, I needed to find Him, so I ran around searching in all the rooms, and there I found Him sleeping below.

   "Wake up, Captain," I said. "I am sick, and how will the ship sail without You?"

     "Wait a minute," He replied. "I am here; never to leave," He assured me. "The ship is sailing on course."
     "But what about me?" I asked. "Why am I sick? Yesterday I rejoiced in my healing, and felt so close to You. It was because I knew that you loved me, that I was healed. Don't you love me anymore?" I desperately asked. "What happened? Did I do something wrong? Are you punishing me?"
     "Oh, you must have faith in Me and My love for you, little one," He said.
     With that comment, I began to cry, feeling guilty of the thoughts I had expressed to Him. Of course, He loves me. I knew that, but because I felt badly, I make accusations that I didn't really mean or feel.
     Suddenly, I realized why I was feeling this pain.   Yesterday I had thoughts of people who lived in pain, and because I had been healed, I was judging them without mercy and compassion. Now, here I was in pain, and I was able to see how it feels, and how we can sometimes make false judgments towards Captain when we experience pain. Pain lies, and makes us weak and do things we don't really mean or believe.
     "Oh, Captain. I understand now. You are letting me have this pain, so that I can have compassion on others who also have it," I said.
     "Yes, my child," He said. "You have spoken truth."
     "What can I do to help them?" I asked.
     "Love them, pray for them, and show compassion towards them," He said.
     "Is that all?" I said.
     "Yes, that helps the soul heal," He said. "Sometimes that is more helpful than physical healing."
     With that, I kissed him on the forehead and went up on the deck to think.  Yes, when someone shows concern and care for me it does feel like love, and is a healing balm to my soul. Captain was telling me to do likewise and with that both people are touched. He is so wise and loving, I thought.

A Time to Heal

     Yesterday was a rough day because my body was full of pain. I laid around mostly in and out of bed, just waiting to be healed. The more I recollected Captain's loving look into my eyes the other day, the more I trusted that He would surely bring His healing. In fact, the Spirit had told me that it was His love which brought my healing. I knew it would come, but didn't know when. So, I just waited.

     This morning I woke up, and healing had come!!! As I stood out on the deck, my hair blowing in the wind, I realized that I didn't hurt anymore. The time had come to be healed. His timing full of wisdom! I ran up to Captain, at the helm, and fell down at His feet in praise, to which He lifted my head to gaze into my eyes. It seemed He was touched by my being touched my Him.

     I smiled at Him and He at me. At that moment, we were One. Him in me, and I in Him. Where did He begin? Where did I end? This holy synergy was mesmerizing and captivating me.







     I realized in that moment that it was necessary for me to wait on Him to be healed, in order for me to now experience this moment to the degree that I was. If I had been healed before, I wouldn't have cherished it so much. Only after experiencing pain sometimes, can we truly value not having it. Captain knows each one of us so intimately that He alone bring His healing at the exact place in time to get  the supreme effect He desires it to have.

     And now, was my time. Time to fall in love with Him more deeply and time to trust Him more fully. It was happening because of the moment He has chosen. This love He was instilling in me would carry me through, with or without my love. That is why He took me on this journey; to heal me body, soul and spirit. 





The Power of Love

     Today was kind of a strange day. After looking into Captain's eyes, and going to bed, I woke up feeling rather badly. My back and legs ached, and it felt like something was sitting on my chest. I didn't know what it was, but perhaps it was my body getting used to being back on the boat. Since we had served on the island for those 2 weeks, I hadn't realized the toll it took on me until now. So, I rested most of the day, not really feeling motivated to do anything.
     I could, however, see my love's ship far off, and felt comfort in knowing he was abiding near. I went into the galley to get something to eat, but found myself just grabbing at what was available whether it was good for me or not. So, later, my stomach suffered. I felt sad I had chosen poorly then. I really needed to eat right to help me get well.
     Captain kept sailing on the smooth seas. Today, however, it was overcast and seemed to add to my sickness and down feelings. So, after I ate, I went back to bed, hoping that when I woke up, all would be well. I lay awake for awhile thinking about the look in His eyes yesterday, and just imagining this was starting to make me feel better already.
     "Love heals," I heard the Spirit say to me. "It is the atmosphere I work in that makes all things new." I pondered this, and then saw the importance of me continuing to open my heart, not only to receive, but to give Love, and how Captain uses that to bring about His healing.  With those beautiful and life-giving truths resting in my soul, I peacefully went off to sleep once again.





Just One Look

     As I walked up the stairs to where Captain was, I was thinking about what I would talk to Him about. When I got next to Him, He turned His head from the seas and looked into my face, lovingly. He really loves me, I thought. Wonder why? What does He see in me? I desired to see what He saw, and then maybe I could love myself.
     "Look into His eyes," His Spirit seemed to say. So, right then and there, I purposely did that. When I did, love flowed out. I fixed my gaze on His face and just stared. I was trying to "see myself" in His eyes, and I did. The reflection of me shined like a diamond. I was beautiful, in His sight! I wanted to remain there forever, but then suddenly the ship slammed into a big wave, and I was forced to look away and catch my balance on the bannister beside me. Using my peripheral vision, I saw Captain still looking at me, though. He didn't take His eyes off me!





     Even when I looked away to try and keep myself from falling, He was watching, as if He was protecting me with His gaze. Throughout my life, He had reminded me that He has been watching me like a little sparrow, even when I was trying to save myself or when I wasn't aware of it.
     Now, what could I say to Him? There was nothing, because just looking in His eyes brought all the comfort and love I needed. I kissed Him on the cheek, with my eyes full of tears because of His love for me, and quietly slipped down the stairs. Feeling dreamy now, I went to the lower berth where my bed was, and peacefully went to sleep, feeling full of His love and grace.

The Earth Realm

     Since we've left the island, I haven't wanted to do much except sit and stare into the sea around me. My activities there were so fulfilling and meaningful, I am experiencing a kind of let down as the ship goes methodically up and down. It reminds me of the dull routines of life, with a distinct, yet predictable pattern.



     My mind wanders wondering what my love is doing while on ship with Captain. He is probably busy doing maintenance work, or anything his hand can find to do, because I know he likes to have something to do at all times. I wonder if he is thinking of me, or if he has? It would feel good to be missed.
     Captain is extra quiet today. He seems to be standing back from me, as if He wants me to hear his voice in the wind. I listen for awhile. He is telling me that I am transitioning to the earth, as I've been in heavenly  places when on the island, and that I don't need to worry. He is telling me that He will help me find my place again.
     I'm wondering if I want to find my place, or even if I like being in the earthly realm again. It seems so dry here. So dull. So dead. But, if I have to be here, then I will accept it as Captain's desire for me now.
     So, rock back and forth I go, as the ship goes who knows where. The only consolation is that Captain is here with me. I think I'll go up and talk to Him, as I need to hear His comforting words, and see Him face to face. 

Good to Be Apart

     It's been 2 weeks since I 've seen my love. Captain and I anchored on a far away island to be a blessing to the people there. Although I was able to function without my love, due to Captain's help, I frequently thought of my love with endearment and prayer. Captain's love for me helped me cherish my own love even more as I looked forward to seeing him again as we sailed out to sea.



     It was good to be apart, Captain had told me when we were there giving out to others on the island. I never thought I would see the day that I would agree that to be apart from the one who held my affections was a good thing, but Captain had helped me realize that. He showed me that I couldn't develop fully if I was always with my love; that there was a lack of freedom when I was in that position that would hold me back. Not that my love held me back, but I did it myself when in his presence. I projected onto him a control that didn't even exist. Captain had said that I needed to see myself operating without him, so that I could freely operate with him when reunited.
     Pondering all of this, as we sailed away, I could now begin to see why I had to be alone with Captain, and learn how to function freely before I could connect with my true love. Dependency to my love had to be severed before beautiful harmony could result. Oh, Captain, let it be!!!

We Are On A Mission

     Captain and I will be on a mission until Oct. 17, so I will not post on my blog again until then. Please feel free to catch up on my journey on the seas with Captain, by reading previous posts. If you are a believer, please pray for those we are going to show love to, and those who are going to give love that He will be glorified through it. God bless you, and we will return!!!





The Sound of Silence

     Haven't thought of my love for a few days because Captain has captured me by His all consuming love. That was one of the reasons He took me on this voyage; to have His love established in me first. I had been trying to get my love needs met from my earth man, but, Captain, my heavenly Man, is the One from who all blessings flow. Out of Him, love can flow to others, not the other way around, I am learning.
     But now I was thinking of him. Captain had told me that my love would have the same opportunity to experience His love if he would open himself up to it. Being alone with Him and separated from each other would provide the possibility of that happening. 
     I was hoping that my love had experienced His love as I had yesterday, because I knew if he had, he would be strengthened deep inside, as I feel I am.
      Even this morning, Captain sat next to me silently as I gazed out at the sunrise, and I could sense His love for me. It's as if I am the reason He lives! Taking in this love has been hard for me, as strange as that sounds. I thought of asking Captain about the book, Silver Girl, He had given me to read, but the sweet silence filled with love, was too precious to break with the noise of talking, so we both soaked it in.





Cleansing Love

     Today my thoughts are digesting of all that is occurring in me. The day before yesterday, Captain had given me a book that revealed to me how I had been seeing myself as an "unworthy" or "de-valued" person. Then yesterday, when He gave me a job to do on the ship, and I didn't know how to do it at all, I cried in frustration and embarrassment, only to find out that He was really waiting for me to ask Him for help. The outcome of all these disconcerting and uncomfortable happenings, though, has been His constant and faithful assurance of His love for me, which has seemed to wash over all of it, like waves on the shore. The primary thoughts that seem to surface, as a result is "love covers," and "love wins." Let it be so in me.



    

Shame Melting Love

     Yesterday Captain had me do some things I had never done before and it stressed me somewhat. It seemed mean at first, whenever He told me He wanted me to raise one of the sails by myself. I told Him that I had never done that before, and He just looked at me blankly.
    "You mean just start doing something, even if it's wrong?" I asked rather sharply.(I was afraid I would look stupid and really mess it up.)
     He just looked at me lovingly, to which I said, "Does that mean 'yes'?" Again, He smiled. I had to get myself together before asking Him which one to do.  Finally, I was composed and did. He pointed to the one on the upper deck. "Won't that mess up the boat while sailing?" I said as if I knew what I was talking about.
     As soon as I said it I realized that the question really indicated a lack of trust in Him, because He wouldn't have asked me to do this chore if it would mess up the sailing.
     Again, He just nodded His head, and turned again towards the front of the ship, steering the helm.
     I really wanted to scream now. I was ill-equipped and ignorant of anything about doing this. For a few minutes, I fumed inwardly, then when things had simmered down, I looked at the sail that was rolled up and tied.

 

 





     Okay, it was obvious that I needed to untie the sail first. After doing that, I realized that the sail needed to go up and be attached somewhere up there, but it was out of reach.

    There were all kinds of hooks and other things I hadn't ever seen or didn't know the names of. I'd never sailed a day in my life before this trip, much less raised or lowered the sails.

     I stood up with sail in both hands, and tried to raise it, knowing full well I couldn't do it. It was too heavy and besides my arms were only so long.



     Frustrated and weary, I began to cry. Captain asked me to do something I couldn't do, and He knew it! It felt mean of Him to "make a fool" out of me.
     I looked up at Him and He was looking back at me with all the love in His eyes that you could imagine. Then I cried harder!
     "Why'd you ask me to do something that I would fail at?" I asked accusingly.
     "I wanted you to ask me for help," He responded with gently humility.
     Then I really did feel foolish. I didn't do the obvious of asking Him to show me and to help me do it, because I was trying to impress Him.
     Just then He let go of the helm, and put both arms out as if to say empathetically, 'come here, sweetheart.' I dashed down the stairs and then up them again on the other side, and let Him hug the shame out of me. As soon as his arms wrapped around my back, I literally felt the shame melt, as His love infused me. What a beautiful day it turned out to be on the high seas!
Love conquers all; even my shame; especially my shame.
    

Silver Girl

        I sat on the deck thinking about how far I was going without my love in view. Did I feel disconnected from him, or free? Hmmmm. Good question.

 



      I opened a book the Captain had directed me to, entitled, "Silver Girl." Interesting title, I thought as I began to peruse the index, turning to the first chapter, called "Sail on, Silver Girl." Hmmm- that seemed to apply, at least the "sail on" part. The contents of the chapter was a poem called, "Bridge Over Troubled Water," which again was a curious title.
     As I read, one stanza in particular stood out; the one with "silver girl" in it. It said:
     "Sail on, Silver Girl,
      Sail on by.
      Your time has come to shine,
      All your dreams are on their way.
      See how they shine,
     Oh, and if you need a friend,
     I'm sailing right behind,
     Like a bridge over troubled water,
     I will lay me down."

     Wow, I thought, as I read. Am I that silver girl? If I am, maybe Captain is trying to say something to me through this. He does things like that. But what could it be, and why "silver girl" I wondered. I read on.
     The next chapter seemed as if it would answer my question. It was named "What is a Silver Girl?" I was really getting excited now. As I read, it was revealed that a "silver girl" was someone who did not realize their value or worth. I paused long, looking out to sea, to absorb what that might be revealing about me. I never really thought of myself, or I didn't want to, as someone who didn't realize their value, but maybe I didn't. I will have a talk with Captain about this later. He knows everything about me and will tell me the truth, if I ask and am ready to hear. With that plan, I closed my book and let the sun warm me.