Captain had asked me if I was willing to die to live, and the particular thing He was asking me to let go of was the way I had operated my entire life and that was to observe what was going on around me, and then draw conclusions. In this way, I have been so aware. Captain had called it "self-consciousness," and He was asking me to let it go-to die to this way I had always done things; the way I had always seen things.
Then He had mentioned that when I focused on others needs, His Life would flow out of me, and in the process this "thing" in me would die.
The question remained of if I would be willing to let this go or not. If I did, who would I be, as my very identity had been to seen keenly and to be so conscious of things around me. I needed to ask Captain one more thing before I answered. I quickly ran up to the helm where I found Him faithfully steering the ship with a look of strong confidence on his face.
"Captain, it's important. I need to ask you one more thing before I answer your question," I said, short of breathe.
"Go on," He said.
"Didn't you make me that way? I have always thought that you made me a deep and analytical thinker, and that you could use those things in me for Your purposes. I know I am different than a lot of people, but I thought it was because you make some of us to dig deep, like you had me. I am troubled because I think that is what you are asking me to let go of, or to let die, as you said. I fear that I am misunderstanding you, and that You aren't saying that at all, but I am just interpreting what You have said wrongly," I said in my soliloquy.
"Whoa, my child. Be at rest. First of all, I did make you to think deeply. What I am asking you to let go of and give to Me, are those thoughts that are not of Me; those thoughts that cause you to look at yourself in such a way that paralyzes you from giving to others," He explained.
"Yes, I don't like those thoughts and I don't like that I have them, and I don't like how they make me feel," I said, "but I'm not really sure how to do that; how to divide that self-focused thinking from the other thinking I do," I said with a sigh.
"My how-to girl, you are," He said with delight.
"Yes, Captain. I would like a manual for everything, and then I would be happy," I said knowing He knew and I did too, that wasn't really true.
"Just tell me you will give those thoughts up, and I will divide them out of you and leave the rest," He explained.
"Wow, that is so neat how You do things on the inside of us," I exclaimed. "It's a real miracle."
"After that You will begin noticing that you don't notice yourself much anymore, and that your thoughts are being used in a good way for My purposes. They will be centered on Me, and on those around you, as I direct you to reach out to them," He explained further.
"Well, that doesn't sound threatening at all. I can keep my good thoughts, or those that line up with You and your will, and You will destroy the self-destructive ones, and the outcome will be righteous and good," I said. I proclaimed these inner thoughts so that I could see them myself, and for Captain to check them and see if I understood correctly now.
"Yes, you have said it correctly," He confirmed.
"O.K., Captain. I'm ready to give those thoughts up to You," I said.
He smiled, knowing I would experience more of His freedom as a result.
"Go in peace, my child," He said.
"Thank you, Captain, for showing me what was obstructing me and for helping me see the destruction it was causing. Only You could have done this," I said.
"It is my good pleasure," He said.
"I feel like an 'amen' is in order here," I said playfully.
"Well, amen then, my sister," He said, playing along while giving me a high-five.
I smacked His hand, laughing, because of the fun I was having with Him, and because of the lightness which I was now feeling in my heart. Indeed, He makes all things new, I thought gratefully.
Then He had mentioned that when I focused on others needs, His Life would flow out of me, and in the process this "thing" in me would die.
The question remained of if I would be willing to let this go or not. If I did, who would I be, as my very identity had been to seen keenly and to be so conscious of things around me. I needed to ask Captain one more thing before I answered. I quickly ran up to the helm where I found Him faithfully steering the ship with a look of strong confidence on his face.
"Captain, it's important. I need to ask you one more thing before I answer your question," I said, short of breathe.
"Go on," He said.
"Didn't you make me that way? I have always thought that you made me a deep and analytical thinker, and that you could use those things in me for Your purposes. I know I am different than a lot of people, but I thought it was because you make some of us to dig deep, like you had me. I am troubled because I think that is what you are asking me to let go of, or to let die, as you said. I fear that I am misunderstanding you, and that You aren't saying that at all, but I am just interpreting what You have said wrongly," I said in my soliloquy.
"Whoa, my child. Be at rest. First of all, I did make you to think deeply. What I am asking you to let go of and give to Me, are those thoughts that are not of Me; those thoughts that cause you to look at yourself in such a way that paralyzes you from giving to others," He explained.
"Yes, I don't like those thoughts and I don't like that I have them, and I don't like how they make me feel," I said, "but I'm not really sure how to do that; how to divide that self-focused thinking from the other thinking I do," I said with a sigh.
"My how-to girl, you are," He said with delight.
"Yes, Captain. I would like a manual for everything, and then I would be happy," I said knowing He knew and I did too, that wasn't really true.
"Just tell me you will give those thoughts up, and I will divide them out of you and leave the rest," He explained.
"Wow, that is so neat how You do things on the inside of us," I exclaimed. "It's a real miracle."
"After that You will begin noticing that you don't notice yourself much anymore, and that your thoughts are being used in a good way for My purposes. They will be centered on Me, and on those around you, as I direct you to reach out to them," He explained further.
"Well, that doesn't sound threatening at all. I can keep my good thoughts, or those that line up with You and your will, and You will destroy the self-destructive ones, and the outcome will be righteous and good," I said. I proclaimed these inner thoughts so that I could see them myself, and for Captain to check them and see if I understood correctly now.
"Yes, you have said it correctly," He confirmed.
"O.K., Captain. I'm ready to give those thoughts up to You," I said.
He smiled, knowing I would experience more of His freedom as a result.
"Go in peace, my child," He said.
"Thank you, Captain, for showing me what was obstructing me and for helping me see the destruction it was causing. Only You could have done this," I said.
"It is my good pleasure," He said.
"I feel like an 'amen' is in order here," I said playfully.
"Well, amen then, my sister," He said, playing along while giving me a high-five.
I smacked His hand, laughing, because of the fun I was having with Him, and because of the lightness which I was now feeling in my heart. Indeed, He makes all things new, I thought gratefully.
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