This Blog Cancelled

       This blog is no longer in operation. God has shown me that to create a fictional work when I am going through these things in reality is to bring a mixture of truth and error which is impure and misleading. His truth is pure and mixing it with fiction (un-truth) muddies the water, so to speak. He has convicted me of continuing it. If I have led any of you astray in creating this story, please forgive me. The truth is that I relayed in a fictional setting those things which I was really experiencing with God through Jesus Christ, which is a most serious and sober thing, not one to be treated lightly or put into a false realm. I praise Him for His revealing and exposing Spirit that leads us down the paths of righteousness for His Name's sake, and who welcomes us into His heart again and again, as we turn unto Him in sincere repentance. If you would like to visit my other blog, the address is http://thissamejesus.blogspot.com. This blog is also changing along with the changes He's brought in me upon surrendering to Him.   

Joy and Peace Appear

     "Joy, Joy, You give me Joy, Joy, Joy. Peace, Peace, You give me Peace, Peace, Peace," I sang loudly as I got dressed in my cabin.
     "What's that I hear?" Captain said when He heard me.
     "Oh, my heart is so full today, Captain, with your joy and peace, that I just had to sing about it," I said in response.
     "Well, that brings me great happiness," He replied, as He came into my presence.
     "For so long, I've felt confusion and have struggled, that feeling joy and peace took me by surprise," I confessed.
     "It's a good surprise, though, right?" He questioned.
     "Oh yes it's good, but somewhat foreign to me nonetheless," I added. "How long will this last?"
     "The more you trust in Me, the longer it will stay," He said.
     "So, it's cumulative?" I asked.
     He laughed in delight with my description, and said, "You could say that."
     "I think I could get used to a progressive amount of Your joy and peace," I stated.
     "Do you remember praying for this?" He asked.
     "Oh, yes, I remember. I was wondering if You did, since it took so long to feel even a semblance of it," I said hesitantly. "Why couldn't You just zap me?" I wondered. "I mean you do stuff like that, don't You?"
     "I can, but choose not to most of the time. It is something that springs forth whenever a person's flesh is put to death when they decide to lay it down. It's also produced in other ways, too; not the same for everyone. But I can tell you this much-pain is involved if someone resists me in the work I want to do on the inside of them," He declared.
     "What if they yield easily to Your sculpting?" I said, referring to the reality that He is the Potter and we (his children) are the clay.
     "It's a much faster and easier method, and is the one I prefer, but most do not let go so easily because the very nature of the flesh, or sin nature, is to hold on to everything it's worth," He explained.
     "It's really not worth much, is it Captain? You told us that in our flesh is NO GOOD THING," I said, repeating His words. "Why don't we believe You?"
     "Because the substance of the sin nature is to doubt and be suspicious and not to trust," He said.
     "It seems like the deck is stacked against us from the get-go," I said sheepishly.
     "I was aware of that and is one reason I knew I would have to rescue you from yourself when I sent My Son to save mankind," He wisely proclaimed.
     "Wow, You thought of everything, didn't You?" I said amazed and grateful.
     "Every little area was covered," He said in love.
     "I need to be by myself again, Captain. All that you tell me is too wonderful for me to digest all at once, and so I get alone to let all this goodness  be fed into the spirit You've made new in me. So, Captain, I will see you later. I love you," I said in earnest, walking away and continuing my song.

    

There is Life in the Blood

     Waking up this morning, I ran to Captain at the helm, because I had a nightmare last night. Fear was wanting to enter because of it. It seemed so real!
     When I met Him up there, I cast my cares on Him and said, "Captain, help me."
     "What is it you need, my daughter?" He asked empathetically.
     "I had a nightmare, and I am being tempted to be afraid, and I don't want to be. I want to trust in you," I exclaimed nervously.
     He looked at me sweetly, hoping that I would remember and know that He cares deeply for me, and that He is my strength and my shield against any harm or danger. He remained silent.
     "What does it all mean, Captain?" I asked urgently.
     "It means the enemy came and tried to sow some seeds in your mind during the night," He revealed.
     "You said 'tried' to sow seeds. You mean it didn't take?" I asked.
     "No," He said. 
     "Why not?" I inquired. 
     "Because when the fear woke you up, you called out to Me," He said.  "It was then that I took my blood and covered you with it, and it protected you. The seeds he was trying to sow, died and did not germinate."
     "Well, my concerns involving what the nightmare was about are still there," I said.
     "I am aware of that," He said, "and I'm holding that person in my Hands of love and grace. When you first had those concerns, I told you that everything that was going on was part of the process I was working in them, to 'restore the years the locusts have eaten' in their life. That is a promise I had made to you many years ago-remember?" He explained.
     "Yes, I will never forget it, Captain. I have depended on that for my whole family," I said.
     "Well, why are you doubting now?" He asked.
     "I guess because the physical evidence was beginning to be stacked, and I let it have an effect on my faith," I said sadly, but truthfully.
     "Yes, the enemy will try and 'prove' that I am not true to my Word in many ways so you stop trusting in Me," He stated.
     "I hate him," I said firmly.
      He let that one drop, and then said, "Do you remember what I told you faith meant?"
      "The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen," I said.
     "Which evidence will you believe? The evidence seen or the evidence unseen?" He asked.
     "I see what you mean, Captain. Believing in You and Your promises involves believing in what is not yet seen, but is true nonetheless," I said with renewed vigor.
     "And in My time, faith will become 'sight,'" He said, giving me hope.
      "Oh, Captain, help me not look at the things that seem to be, but are not, looking only at You and what You have promised," I said petitioning Him.
     "You've got it," He stated succinctly.
     "Just like that?" I asked.
     "Ask and it will be given to you," He reminded me of another promise of His to His children.
     "It always works out when I bring things to You," I said in confidence.
     "And I always want you to bring everything to Me," He said. "I want you to trust that I love you and will do the best for you in each situation when you do."
     "How long before I learn that one, Captain?" I asked.
     "As long as it takes. Remember I will finish what I started in you," He promised.
     "You are full of good promises, aren't You, Captain?" I said happily.
     "I am the Promise," He said.
     With that, I dreamily went back down to the deck and looked out at sea, wondering if my love was being lavished with these great truths from Captain, as I was. Knowing that he was, I smiled and looked with hope to the time we'd be back together, after the Captain had determined that we both were ready.
    



Dying, Yet Living!

     Captain had asked me if I was willing to die to live, and the particular thing He was asking me to let go of was the way I had operated my entire life and that was to observe what was going on around me, and then draw conclusions. In this  way, I have been so aware. Captain had called it "self-consciousness," and He was asking me to let it go-to die to this way I had always done things; the way I had always seen things.
     Then He had mentioned that when I focused on others needs, His Life would flow out of me, and in the process this "thing" in me would die.
    The question remained of if I would be willing to let this go or not. If I did, who would I be, as my very identity had been to seen keenly and to be so conscious of things around me. I needed to ask Captain one more thing before I answered. I quickly ran up to the helm where I found Him faithfully steering the ship with a look of strong confidence on his face.
     "Captain, it's important. I need to ask you one more thing before I answer your question," I said, short of breathe.
     "Go on," He said.
     "Didn't you make me that way? I have always thought that you made me a deep and analytical thinker, and that you could use those things in me for Your purposes. I know I am different than a lot of people, but I thought it was because you make some of us to dig deep, like you had me. I am troubled because I think that is what you are asking me to let go of, or to let die, as you said. I fear that I am misunderstanding you, and that You aren't saying that at all, but I am just interpreting what You have said wrongly," I said in my soliloquy.
     "Whoa, my child. Be at rest. First of all, I did make you to think deeply. What I am asking you to let go of and give to Me, are those thoughts that are not of Me; those thoughts that cause you to look at yourself in such a way that paralyzes you from giving to others," He explained.
     "Yes, I don't like those thoughts and I don't like that I have them, and I don't like how they make me feel," I said, "but I'm not really sure how to do that; how to divide that self-focused thinking from the other thinking I do," I said with a sigh.
     "My how-to girl, you are," He said with delight.
     "Yes, Captain. I would like a manual for everything, and then I would be happy," I said knowing He knew and I did too, that wasn't really true.
     "Just tell me you will give those thoughts up, and I will divide them out of you and leave the rest," He explained.
     "Wow, that is so neat how You do things on the inside of us," I exclaimed. "It's a real miracle."
     "After that You will begin noticing that you don't notice yourself much anymore, and that your thoughts are being used in a good way for My purposes. They will be centered on Me, and on those around you, as I direct you to reach out to them," He explained further.
     "Well, that doesn't sound threatening at all. I can keep my good thoughts, or those that line up with You and your will, and You will destroy the self-destructive ones, and the outcome will be righteous and good," I said.  I proclaimed these inner thoughts so that I could see them myself,  and for Captain to check  them and see if I understood correctly now.
     "Yes,  you have said it correctly," He confirmed.
      "O.K., Captain. I'm ready to give those thoughts up to You," I said.
     He smiled, knowing I would experience more of His freedom as a result.
     "Go in peace, my child," He said.
     "Thank you, Captain, for showing me what was obstructing me and for helping me see the destruction it was causing. Only You could have done this," I said.
     "It is my good pleasure," He said.
     "I feel like an 'amen' is in order here," I said playfully.
     "Well, amen then, my sister," He said, playing along while giving me a high-five.
     I smacked His hand, laughing, because of  the fun I was having with Him, and because of the lightness which I was now feeling in my heart. Indeed, He makes all things new, I thought gratefully.

 

 



    
    
 

Giving Myself Up

     I felt so safe with Captain. Now that I knew I could say anything to Him and He didn't treat me differently, conversation between us flowed freely.
     "So, basically, I'm called to conform to Your image; is that right?" I asked.
     "You are called to let me conform you to My image," He said gently.
     "When you split hairs like that, can you explain to me the difference, Captain? I mean sometimes I don't know where I end and you begin. It's really hard to know how to "let" you do it," I said confused.
     "Sure. That's easy. If you are trying to conform to My image, you are thinking, 'I need to act like Jesus' or 'Jesus doesn't act like that, I need to stop' or something like that. When you are letting me conform you to my image, you submit yourself to my working, and trust that I am doing it." He stated clearly.
     "Is that it?" I asked.
     "That's it," He said.
     "I know, but it's me you are working through, and don't I have more responsibility than that? I asked, questioning Him further. "If that's the case, I would just feel like a puppet on a string," I shared.



     "I see," He said.
      I didn't like when He said, 'I see,' and nothing else, I thought. It made me rethink what I had said, and I knew that was His intention. Well, I do feel like a puppet on a string, I thought, validating my own feelings privately to myself.
     Then He said, "And how does 'a puppet on a string' feel?"
     "Helpless," I succinctly replied with sadness.
     "Instead of labeling the feeling 'helpless' why not think of it as 'dependent and protected,' " He advised.
     "That is a new perspective,"I said without much thought. You mean when you are over me, and I have let you be, than I am dependent on You, and are then protected?" I restated to try and understand.
     "Exactly. When you let me be totally responsible for the work in you, then you are free to let My Life flow through you to others," He explained.
     "Can I ask you something?" I knew His answer, so I went on. "How do I let Your life flow through me?" I asked. "I never got that one." I stated.
     "Most of that happens when you are not even aware of what you are doing. When self-consciousness leaves, my Life flows," He said, laying things out for me.
     "Oh, my Lord and Captain. I have been so aware all of my life. I have been in the observation tower looking at what other people do, how they act, and myself also. How in the world will You get that out of me?" I asked desperately. "It's as if that is my mode of operation; my very DNA; the very fiber of my being!" I reiterated. "If I don't observe and analyze what is going on around me, including within myself, I will die for sure; I'll cease to be me; I won't recognize myself," I added.
     "Are you willing to die to live?" He asked, and told me not to answer then, but to think about it, and answer Him tomorrow.

Passing the Test of the Call

         Our conversation had ended strangely and left me wondering if I had come to the right conclusion or not.We had discussed me mopping floors of all things, and I had told Him that even if He tells me that is what He wants me to do for the rest of my life, then I would do it. But, there was a problem. I had surrendered to this "humble" task, but it really didn't reflect my feelings or beliefs at all. Could I have been trying to just appear "humble" in this self-professed allegiance to Him? (Kind of reminded me of Peter.) 
     Even though I might not have interpreted things rightly, though, it all ended with a wonderful time of dancing round and round together, laughing and looking into each other's eyes. I thought, "He sure is patient with my searching."
     After we whirled and twirled, I collapsed in His arms with a new sense of freedom in my heart and the loving acceptance of Captain enveloping me. Just then, something occurred to me, and I told Captain boldly, "I'm not made to mop floors."
     "No?" He said quizzically.
     "No, I'm not," I stated confidently.
     "Why do you say that?" He asked.
     "You put things in me-gifts, talents, abilities, passions and desires that surpass mopping! I said. Not to say that anything is wrong with mopping."
     "What about what you said, that mopping isn't glamorous and that was the reason why you didn't want to do it and that you would do whatever I asked, even if it was mopping? You also said that you would consider your husband in all of this. What do you say about that now?" He declared, holding me accountable to my words earlier.
     "I misjudged myself," I said.
     "Well, you do tend to do that," He stated.
     "You know me, Captain. I want You to give me the right answer," I said nervously.
     "You have been struggling with this way too long. You must lay it to rest," He quipped.
     "I want You to tell me," I said seriously.
     "Nope. You must cross this bridge and be confident in it yourself," He stated.
     "I keep telling you I'm a married woman, and it seems like the only call of woman who are married is to her husband," I said, waiting for His response.
     "Do you believe that?" He asked.
     Wanting to give the right answer, I hesitated. If it wasn't Captain, I would have thought it was a trick question. Oh, if only He would tell me, I thought. But I waited, and He just looked at me, waiting for me to speak.
     Finally, I said, "No, I don't believe that. I believe You can call a woman who is married in a different way than you call her husband."
     "Is that your final word?" He asked.
     "Yes, it is," I stated emphatically without guilt, knowing I would never revisit this again in my life.  
     " Well, go and do likewise," He said.
     "Are you talking in King James?" I said chuckling.
     "Thou sayest," He said rather royally.
     "Well, then I goest to fulfill Thou blessed call on my life, and right quickly," I retorted. With that statement He laughed more from the relief He knew I now felt, than from how I had said it.
    
   
    

The Bad and the Ugly

     "It's so much easier to want to help the ones who seem put together and helping themselves," I commented freely.
     "I understand, but my thoughts are not your thoughts," Captain stated.
     "But I want them to be. I want to see as You see," I shared.
     "Then you will see beauty for ashes and what someone can be in Me, and not what they currently are," He revealed.
    "So, it's kind of like not seeing what is there, but seeing what is not there?" I asked.
   "Or like seeing what is not there as being truth, which is different," He restated.
     "Hmmm....I'll have to chew on that one," I stated.
     " Well don't chew with your mind. If you do, you'll never be able to get it. Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit," He said. "Were you thinking about the young man on the island?" He asked.
     "Yes, I was, Captain. I was thinking that I didn't know whether I have what it takes to reach out to someone who is so sad and angry. I don't know what hurts he's had to make him that way, and I don't know what's going on in his head; what he's thinking and that scares me."
     "It is true you do not have what it takes, within yourself, but it boils down to whether you trust Me to empower you or not, not with your power or strength, but with mine. If you can't trust that, it's better that you don't reach out to him. Also, if you are fearful of what is going on in his head, you will never be able to love him freely. There will always be that hesitation to hold back. Again, you must trust Me with all the unknowns as you minister in My Name. Look at it like this: I want to love him and help him and heal him. Will you let me do it through you? That is the question. I know that to answer "yes" you will have to trust Me with Yourself. That is really the bottom line," He stated clearly.
     "Captain, you make it so plain and I thank you for that," I said.
     Captain smiled, knowing I was coming along nicely according to His plan, and it brought Him great joy.