We Are On A Mission

     Captain and I will be on a mission until Oct. 17, so I will not post on my blog again until then. Please feel free to catch up on my journey on the seas with Captain, by reading previous posts. If you are a believer, please pray for those we are going to show love to, and those who are going to give love that He will be glorified through it. God bless you, and we will return!!!





The Sound of Silence

     Haven't thought of my love for a few days because Captain has captured me by His all consuming love. That was one of the reasons He took me on this voyage; to have His love established in me first. I had been trying to get my love needs met from my earth man, but, Captain, my heavenly Man, is the One from who all blessings flow. Out of Him, love can flow to others, not the other way around, I am learning.
     But now I was thinking of him. Captain had told me that my love would have the same opportunity to experience His love if he would open himself up to it. Being alone with Him and separated from each other would provide the possibility of that happening. 
     I was hoping that my love had experienced His love as I had yesterday, because I knew if he had, he would be strengthened deep inside, as I feel I am.
      Even this morning, Captain sat next to me silently as I gazed out at the sunrise, and I could sense His love for me. It's as if I am the reason He lives! Taking in this love has been hard for me, as strange as that sounds. I thought of asking Captain about the book, Silver Girl, He had given me to read, but the sweet silence filled with love, was too precious to break with the noise of talking, so we both soaked it in.





Cleansing Love

     Today my thoughts are digesting of all that is occurring in me. The day before yesterday, Captain had given me a book that revealed to me how I had been seeing myself as an "unworthy" or "de-valued" person. Then yesterday, when He gave me a job to do on the ship, and I didn't know how to do it at all, I cried in frustration and embarrassment, only to find out that He was really waiting for me to ask Him for help. The outcome of all these disconcerting and uncomfortable happenings, though, has been His constant and faithful assurance of His love for me, which has seemed to wash over all of it, like waves on the shore. The primary thoughts that seem to surface, as a result is "love covers," and "love wins." Let it be so in me.



    

Shame Melting Love

     Yesterday Captain had me do some things I had never done before and it stressed me somewhat. It seemed mean at first, whenever He told me He wanted me to raise one of the sails by myself. I told Him that I had never done that before, and He just looked at me blankly.
    "You mean just start doing something, even if it's wrong?" I asked rather sharply.(I was afraid I would look stupid and really mess it up.)
     He just looked at me lovingly, to which I said, "Does that mean 'yes'?" Again, He smiled. I had to get myself together before asking Him which one to do.  Finally, I was composed and did. He pointed to the one on the upper deck. "Won't that mess up the boat while sailing?" I said as if I knew what I was talking about.
     As soon as I said it I realized that the question really indicated a lack of trust in Him, because He wouldn't have asked me to do this chore if it would mess up the sailing.
     Again, He just nodded His head, and turned again towards the front of the ship, steering the helm.
     I really wanted to scream now. I was ill-equipped and ignorant of anything about doing this. For a few minutes, I fumed inwardly, then when things had simmered down, I looked at the sail that was rolled up and tied.

 

 





     Okay, it was obvious that I needed to untie the sail first. After doing that, I realized that the sail needed to go up and be attached somewhere up there, but it was out of reach.

    There were all kinds of hooks and other things I hadn't ever seen or didn't know the names of. I'd never sailed a day in my life before this trip, much less raised or lowered the sails.

     I stood up with sail in both hands, and tried to raise it, knowing full well I couldn't do it. It was too heavy and besides my arms were only so long.



     Frustrated and weary, I began to cry. Captain asked me to do something I couldn't do, and He knew it! It felt mean of Him to "make a fool" out of me.
     I looked up at Him and He was looking back at me with all the love in His eyes that you could imagine. Then I cried harder!
     "Why'd you ask me to do something that I would fail at?" I asked accusingly.
     "I wanted you to ask me for help," He responded with gently humility.
     Then I really did feel foolish. I didn't do the obvious of asking Him to show me and to help me do it, because I was trying to impress Him.
     Just then He let go of the helm, and put both arms out as if to say empathetically, 'come here, sweetheart.' I dashed down the stairs and then up them again on the other side, and let Him hug the shame out of me. As soon as his arms wrapped around my back, I literally felt the shame melt, as His love infused me. What a beautiful day it turned out to be on the high seas!
Love conquers all; even my shame; especially my shame.
    

Silver Girl

        I sat on the deck thinking about how far I was going without my love in view. Did I feel disconnected from him, or free? Hmmmm. Good question.

 



      I opened a book the Captain had directed me to, entitled, "Silver Girl." Interesting title, I thought as I began to peruse the index, turning to the first chapter, called "Sail on, Silver Girl." Hmmm- that seemed to apply, at least the "sail on" part. The contents of the chapter was a poem called, "Bridge Over Troubled Water," which again was a curious title.
     As I read, one stanza in particular stood out; the one with "silver girl" in it. It said:
     "Sail on, Silver Girl,
      Sail on by.
      Your time has come to shine,
      All your dreams are on their way.
      See how they shine,
     Oh, and if you need a friend,
     I'm sailing right behind,
     Like a bridge over troubled water,
     I will lay me down."

     Wow, I thought, as I read. Am I that silver girl? If I am, maybe Captain is trying to say something to me through this. He does things like that. But what could it be, and why "silver girl" I wondered. I read on.
     The next chapter seemed as if it would answer my question. It was named "What is a Silver Girl?" I was really getting excited now. As I read, it was revealed that a "silver girl" was someone who did not realize their value or worth. I paused long, looking out to sea, to absorb what that might be revealing about me. I never really thought of myself, or I didn't want to, as someone who didn't realize their value, but maybe I didn't. I will have a talk with Captain about this later. He knows everything about me and will tell me the truth, if I ask and am ready to hear. With that plan, I closed my book and let the sun warm me.
    
    

Called Away

     Upon seeing the forlorn look both me and my love had in our eyes, the Captain pulled away slowly, and called me to the helm.
     "Yes, my Lord," I said.
     "I am going to a far away island. I want you to do something for me," He stated.
     "Now? So soon?" I quipped.
     "Yes. It is time," He said directly, without wavering.
      "Well, what is it? What do you want from me?" I said nervously.
     "I want you to tell about and show my love to the women there, who  have been serving their husbands for many years, and have never had that love returned to them," He responded.
     "Lord, I am just beginning to know of your love for myself. That is why you have set me apart from my own true love, wasn't it? You said that I was trying to find it through him, and that I was controlling him to get it,  and so we had to be separated and go on our own voyages so that we both could know of that love separately," I said and stated my case. "And as I looked into his eyes, just now, I still saw them glazed over. It doesn't seem to be working," I continued.
     "That is exactly why I need you to go," He said.
     "But I am a novice, Lord. How can I tell them of your love, when I am just now beginning to know of it?" I retorted cautiously.
     "Do you remember Moses and Paul? They both presented me with similar arguments when I asked them to go," He said.
     "I am so weak, Lord. I have problems and struggles. I am not a professional or even a whole person. I am in the same, or worse position than many of those woman are, Lord." I said back without even hearing Him.
     "Give and it will be given back to you," He said simply.
     "I know that, Lord," I said.
     "Do you?" He responded quietly.
      With that last statement, He put His big fingers under my chin, and lifted it gently so that I would look into His loving eyes.
     "Oh why do you doubt me, my child?" He asked.
     "I don't know, Father," I said glumly. "I guess I get afraid. I didn't want me love to be out of sight that long, and I don't feel ready to love the women, and it all happened so fast. I can't think that fast," I said, even though I knew He knew all of this about me.
     "Trust me. Sometimes what looks like the wrong thing to do, is exactly what needs to be done," He said reassuringly.
    "Hold my hand, Lord. I need to feel your touch. The warmth of your hand comes through You to me, and then I feel safe," I said.
     "I will hold it as long as you want me to," He said.

 

 

 

 



      I stood there with Him what seemed like an hour, as we both gazed out at the sea which spread as we went forward, the breeze blowing on our faces. I wanted to look back and see if I could still see my love's ship, but for some reason I knew that would be a mistake. I don't know why but my thoughts cautioned me as I thought of Lot's wife looking back at burning Sodom, then another thought came: 'Going forward with Me will make whole the love between you and your love. Looking back, will destroy it.'
     That must have been from Him, I thought. He had told me that as we become One, His thoughts come to me as if they were my own.
     So, onward we went to the island that He was sending me to, and that would play a part in the healing of my own soul. His ways are definitely not my ways, I thought. They are higher than mine.
    
      

A Blessed Island Visit

    
*-All pictures used are representations.

 I've been sailing along with my Captain today with very peaceful waters. Not much sighting of my love's ship, except around sunset, it came into view.
    Earlier I had visited with a friend, as we stopped on an island where she lived. She has been a dear and loyal friend, like a big sister in many ways. She has advised me gently and lovingly in family things since I met her. She has taken care of me like that. One time she had advised me about how love works: She said, "Close your hand around him, and you'll never know if he truly loves you. Open it, and if he stays, then you will know that it is true love." 
     Whenever I visit her, she has shown so much hospitality, ready at a moment's notice of any need I might have for nourishment or rest, to provide it for me.

My Sister's Hut of Hospitality

 



     She is a strong woman, full of courage and confidence; someone I know my Captain has connected me with for not only an example, but as a gift, as she is a non-threatening woman for me to be around. I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge or condemn me, but would help me try and decide the best course of action. What a blessing she is to my life. I'm grateful for her.
    Yesterday when I visited her, she told me she hasn't felt well lately, to which my heart sank. She has always been strong physically, and I didn't like the fact that she's had to suffer with whatever is wrong. In spite of this, she insisted on serving me. We had some green tea together in the cutest little cups, and caught up on our lives. It was truly sweet communion.

 

 

 





Us, Sharing Tea and Our Lives

 





     When it was time to leave, I boarded the ship and re-lived our fellowship in my mind, squeezing even more out of it, to cherish and enjoy. The Captain seemed pleased that I had enjoyed this time of refreshing with my dear sister, as He smiled at me when I saw Him.
     Leaning against the railing and looking out to sea, as the island grew smaller and smaller, I saw that my love's ship  was not too far from mine. In fact, the Captain called me to Him, and asked me if I wanted to sail to where his ship was and see him. Feeling so good inside because of my pleasant visit today, I said yes.
     So off we sailed in that direction. When we got side by side, he was waiting for me. Both of our ships were anchored next to each other, and when our eyes met, I noticed his were glossed over, and I wondered if mine were too. Where was the glow of love we once had for each other? Where was the light in each other's eyes that emanated from our souls, I thought?
     It was hard not to fear at this point, but looking back at my Captain, knowing what He had told me, that He would renew our love, and trusting in this, I was settled once again.
    
    
    
    

He Calmed the Sea of My Mind

     Today while sailing on the tranquil high seas, I decided to go in the galley and get the binoculars. As I got back up on the deck, I lifted them to my eyes, and scanned the horizon in front of me. With nothing but sea gulls to view, and them with difficulty because they swoop and go so fast, I happened to see another ship.
     Wondering if it was the ship of my true love, I zoomed in closer, and found out that it was. I didn't see the captain anywhere in sight, but I did see what looked like a woman, and it seemed like my love was looking at her intently. With my heart beating in fear, my countenance fell. Realizing that I was, at this moment, if only in my thoughts, taking my love back from where I had loosed him to, (the arms of our Captain) I calmed down, because I truly did not want to do this anymore.
     After I calmed down, another thought came to me. Didn't his ship have a mermaid on the hoist of his ship? And could this be "the woman" I thought he was looking at? Because his ship was so far from mine, I really couldn't tell if he was looking "intently" at the statue, or just looking out to sea. That is how fear and jealousy work together, and I felt sad, but yet glad, too, that it was revealed to me that something ugly was still in me, and best of all, that I knew the One who could do something about it.
     I ran to my Captain! He was confidently at the helm, and looked lovingly at me when I appeared. "What's the trouble, my maiden?" He asked, although He knew.
 "I have fear and jealousy in my heart, Captain, O Captain," I answered sadly.
"You have come to Me, for healing?" He asked.
"Yes, my Lord, I hate it, and I want to be free," I retorted.
"Then give him back to me again," He advised.
"How do I do that if I have taken from You after I had loosed him to you at first? I asked sincerely. Do I get another chance?"
" It is through the path of confession, my Love, He directed lovingly. This path remains open to you time and time again."
"I am sorry, my Captain. I didn't want to do it, but I did, and now I regret it. Please forgive me," I said penitently.
"I see that your heart is true, and because you have run into my arms with your sin, and want to be cleansed, then I do forgive you and you will be cleansed," He declared as He gently touched my upper chest. I felt the warmth of His healing Hand infuse me and almost fell to the ground.
 As I grasped His hand on me, as if not wanting it to ever be removed, I exclaimed gratefully,"Oh, thank you, my King, for it is You alone who can grant it to me, as it is You I have sinned against," I replied. "Will this happen anymore? Is it gone for good?"
"It may be that it will happen again, but it doesn't have to," He said.
"Well, how can I prevent it? How can I control it? It comes on me like a bird of prey, haunting and taunting me," I said desperately.
"Trust me," He said simply.
"Oh, my Lord," I said with surprise," you mean, whenever I feel this way, it is I that opens the door to these feelings of fear and jealousy because I am not trusting You?"
"Yes, that's true," He said, feeling for my own sadness. "Whenever you see something or think you see something, you interpret it in fear, which you think is protecting you from something that is going to sneak up on you. You think, 'if I see it coming, I won't be hurt,' This is not true, my daughter. You are only hurting yourself, your true love, Me, and all relationships when you allow these thoughts in."
"Then how do I "not allow" them in?" 
"When you are afraid, trust in Me instead," He stated.
"You mean, it's alright to be afraid, as long as I turn my fears, or loose them to You?" I asked quizzically.
"Right. Like you did this time," He stated. "When you calmed down, you could then hear my voice that reminded you of the statue on your true love's ship. Before that you were allowing your fearful thoughts to take over, and you couldn't hear me," He explained.
"I thought those were my thoughts," I declared.
"We are becoming one, my daughter. You have my mind, but many times you use your old carnal mind, which is devilish; always thinking the worst against yourself. But when you rest in Me, my mind filters through you and you are able to think my thoughts, although it seems like your own," He revealed.
"Oh my," I said in awe.
"Go back to the deck now, my precious girl. That is enough for now," He directed with knowledge and wisdom of my frame.
     I suddenly found myself peacefully doing as He told, and when I rounded the corner and went to the back of the ship where I had left my binoculars, I saw the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen in my life! It was like the sky and the sea were ablaze with His glory!!!





     I then lifted my binoculars and saw my true love's ship in view. The very same Captain was sailing his ship too, and His arm was around my true love, as he stood there strongly. It was a sight to behold; one I had longed to see for a long time. It was a prayer answered. Peace was reigning again.  
    
  

Different Passages

     My schooner sailed nicely yesterday after the loosing. Even though I saw my love taking a different passage in his, I was confident in mine, as my Captain had directed me so.

 



He was at the helm, and I felt safe;free still.

     My love was a little fretful when he saw me parting from him. He was so convinced that he was going the right way, and wanted me to follow. And, I don't know if he noticed or not, but I wasn't trying to convince him to go my way as I formerly had.
     As soon as I loosed the moorings, it was as if I was immediately put under the shadow of my Captain's  secure wing. And I knew since my love was "loosed in heaven" he, too, was there. It gave me great hope.

Before and After Pictures that Represent Me:

 

 

Me in "control"-stressed out! (Notice the microphone. For some reason, my crew wouldn't listen to me. Now, how stressful is that? Are those fangs and claws I see growing?)

 

 

 At Rest-Much Happier. God, my Captain is in control.

 



 

 



Goodbye, My Love

   
"I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." Matt. 16:19.
    
     Today I "loosed the moorings" on the ship my love was on. I "let go" of wanting to hold him to my heart. I let go of control to let him venture the lands he think he desires to venture. I "loosed him" on earth, being confident that he was "loosed in heaven" surrendering him to the Only One who truly can guide and direct the ship he is on.
     So, this blog was created on this day of infamy so that I could tell of not only his adventures, but also of my own, as I document the places God will take me as a result of letting my love go free. I go on my ship and he goes on his. My expectation is that both of our vessels will meet on the same shore, taking different routes to get there, but by the same trusted Captain.

 

 

I feel so free! I didn't realize I was using my own strength to try and hold back the ship. Funny thing about setting others free; we get free too!

 

 

(Please note: this is a somewhat fictional blog. I am using what I am doing in the natural realm, and putting it into a fictional setting.)